The Thirteenth

Signs #10

2006-05-15T21:37:00.000-07:00

Signs #9: Long Island Edition

2006-04-09T00:51:00.000-07:00

MONTAUK

Closed till the summer...bummer

WAINSCOTT

The Old Stove Pub has steaks. When? I'm not exactly sure.

BLUEPOINT

OCEANSIDE

Tha Good, Da Bad, and Da F___ing Ugly!

2006-01-13T21:14:00.000-08:00

I want you to behave and say, okay...he's been born with tha good, da bad and da fucking ugly, okay? I've been born with them, in the rough neighborhood. I want you to make a movie that's gonna tear ass in every fucking place you can think of! I'm telling ya! I've got ideas that'll have everybody fucking crazy out on the fucking streets! This...you know...you're living in a world now that nobody does anything. Do you see any rough things going around here? No! You don't! You gotta go in and put the rough stuff in. Get some rough muthas that are really rough and are willing to work with ya...and I mean not hurt anybody, just be rough with ya, and show ya, this was the way America was. Not now. This. There's nothing going on around here. You walk down the street, nobody does nothing bad. You wanna make a movie, listen to me d___. I'll make ya one of the toughest movies, you'll make more futzin' money than you'll ever think of, understand? Listen to me! I'm an old timer. I've been through the...I'm a...I'm a poor guy. I went through every fucking thing you could think of. I've been through the rough stuff. I had my ass kicked so many times it'd make yer head spin. You understand that? Because I had nobody to back me up, until I got organized with people and I got friends of mine that got together and we'd have nine, ten fucking guys with us. Then we would start to fucking kick ass and they would walk away from ya then. Cuz then, ya know, ya gotta understand one thing: people are gonna kick your fucking ass if yer by yerself. But if you got company to go by, with ten or twelve fucking guys, they're gonna walk away from you, like they're...like they're angels. I don't give a damn how tough they are. Believe me. I've been through this fucking shit, man. I'm not afraid of anybody. Whether I die today, or die tomorrow, but nobody runs me down. I'm not a fucking heavy guy. I may be a hundred and twenty, hundred and thirty pounds, but when it comes to something, I'm a very fucking mean fucking asshole. You understand that? I'll kill ya if I have to...cuz that's what I did in the war, and nobody's gonna fuck me around anymore. Nobody! I'm telling ya, ya know? It's...people think, awwww, cuz yer a little guy they can kick yer fucking ass, forget it. Cuz they're gonna kick yer fucking ass or they're gonna kill ya. One or the other. I'm born that way. I can't help that I was a...a person at a hundred and twenty pounds and they can't do a fucking thing, anything, but you can do a lot of things with em. You can hit em over the fucking head with a bat, and you can kill em, and you can do alot of fucking things with em, you understand that? Not because yer small, not because yer low, not because yer weak, but yer a tough sonuvabitch! That's what you are! That's the way you go man! You don't depend on fucking people coming to ya and say, "Oh, okay, ya know, I'm bigger than him, I'm gonna kick his ass". Don't do that. Because most times, they're gonna kick yer fucking ass and yer not gonna live anymore.

Let's go get some lunch. Are you hungry?

How do ya think I saved a life so fucking much? I'm a little fucking guy! You know how many fucking asses I kicked? And in my fucking days? Not by myself, but being with my friends. Somebody gets outta fucking line, I'm the guy that's gonna pay it. And they're backing me up. Because I know they're backing me up. But they were gonna do it first, then I'd say, "Oh, what the...oh, well, he's bigger or that than me," but ya take the little guy and kick their fucking ass and know that ya got three, four, five big guys behind ya, they're gonna sit on their ass and get away. That's the way it is.

Sign #8: Prayer Pillow

2005-12-18T15:33:00.000-08:00

Sewn onto a pillow case.

Sign #7

2005-11-29T12:52:00.000-08:00

Southern Illinois

Conversation #7: The Baker and the Kidnapping

2005-11-29T12:26:00.000-08:00

Well, when I was a little kid, I think I was 8 or 9 years old, you know, he kidnapped me and I was living with him in the f___ing apartment, you know, not even knowing where the f__k I was even. Cuz he liked me, you know what I mean? So, he took it...

Why did he like you?

Because I'm his son. And I was his favorite.

Why were you his favorite?

Because he liked me. But my mother had, my mother had the authority of all the kids, see? So he took and kidnapped me that one f___ing day and brought me by his house, ya know, and he's hiding me in his f___ing apartment. Ya know? I mean, I'm young, I didn't know what the f___s happening, you know what I mean? I said, "Okay, yeah, okay dad."

Five, you were five years old.

But I didn't know that my mother didn't know that he kidnapped me and this kinda s__t.

Well, they didn't live together, right?

No.

Never?

No. They lived together before, yeah. But this time he was living on 18th place and Paulina. In a first story building, see?

She kick him out or something?

What?

Did she kick him out?

Yeah, because he was always...he was always drunk and giving her all kinds of f___ing problems. So, what he would do is, when he would go to work he would lock me in the house there, I didn't have a key to get out, so all I did was stay in the f___ing apartment, till he came back home from work, cuz I couldn't get out, he locked the door. You understand? I was only, what, 8 years old?

You were 5.

5? 5, 6 or 7 years old or something.

No. You were 5 years old.

So he got me and he, and he locked me up in the house when he'd go to work I'd be there all by myself. You know, like an idiot. Then when he'd come, he'd open the door, come in, fine. Nobody knew where the f__k I was half the time. I mean, he was nice to me and alla that stuff, I mean not that he aggravated or nothing like that.

He was good to me. He would see me walking, he'd run across the street by me, give me a hug and a kiss. I'd always give him a few bucks.

Conversation #6: The Gentleman of Joliet, Part One

2005-11-22T17:13:00.000-08:00

>>WARNING: The following transcription contains graphic language. You have been WARNED. Proceed.<<

Any woman that I'm willing to screw, I'm willing to screw more than once. So, if I get to the point, especially the initial point of screwing that woman and I'm all f____d up and I'm not gonna do my greatest of jobs, then I'll parlay it into a later date so that I can get the f___ing return clientele, ya know what I mean? And women talk, they talk amongst friends and you know how f___ing viciously competitive women are, when she's f___ing out the door you bet yer ass her friend'll be knocking if ya do a good job. It ain't no lie. I'm not bulls____in' ya. It's just the way it is. F___in'...hard work pays. You know? It ain't easy beatin' up the uterus, but sometimes, yer back is sore the next morning, but ya know, a few months down the road, you'll be smilin' that you did it, ya know? When it rains, it pours, ya know? When ya always got a woman on yer arm, they're always knocking at yer door. When you ain't got s__t, you ain't got s__t. That's why, I invited my friend, who used to be a stripper, who's fine as hell, to go to this place, one, cuz she's bisexual and she'd enjoy it, two, becuz any time I've ever hung out with her, going to bars, anywhere, you name it.

You met women.

F__k yeah. Those women aren't thinking, "Wow, this guy's hot. This guy's dressed good." Cuz ya know what? I ain't hot and I don't dress good. And I could give a f__k less about it becuz if I did, if I got good at it, they'd think "Oh, he's gay." You know? So there ain't no pleasin' these b______s. So whatcha do, if you bring...I don't care whatcha gotta do, f___ing get a hooker that's fine as hell, pay her five hundred bucks,and get every goddamn woman's number in the bar, it'll be the easiest thing you ever f___ing did, I swear to god. And you'll have p___y lined up for about six months. You know? You don't even have to lay that f___ing hooker, you just have her by yer side. Ya know why? Cuz women wanna know, "Why is this homely looking guy with this fine ass b___h?" They're not worried about, well...he...well, they think, maybe he's got money, or this and that, but he looks like s__t, he dresses like s__t, but ya know what, he's got a fine b___h on his side, so, either he's got money or a huge c__k, and I'm gonna find out what it is, cuz, ya know, that's what motivates men and women. Sex and money...
...It's like ya gotta have money to make money. The same thing man. You gotta have b_____s to get b_____s. Ya gotta. Even if they're in the back pocket, and there's nothing going on, if you make like somethin' is happenin', BOOM!, it's how you go, and be presentable or business-like or you market yourself, you act like something's going on. That's how Christopher Columbus got funding to "discover" America. It was all here the whole time. Everybody knew about it, there were civilizations here, but he got the funding to go discover it becuz he said, "Ya know what? F__k you! If you don't give me the money, I'm gonna go do it anyways." So somebody, sooner or later, somebody said, "Well, we better give him the money, becuz we'll reap all the benefits, cuz he's gonna do it anyways, right? We might as well help him out. He's determined. All you need is determination.

Signs #6: UK Edition

2005-11-02T09:07:00.000-08:00

CITY OF WELLS

Yummy.

2005-11-02T09:06:00.000-08:00

My name is Don. I'm a hair stylist.

2005-11-02T09:04:00.000-08:00

HILLSIDE FARMS

2005-11-02T09:02:00.000-08:00

THE TOR

On the way up.

2005-11-02T08:57:00.000-08:00

STEAM TRAIN TO DUNSTER

2005-11-02T08:53:00.001-08:00

DUNSTER

Bad dog!

2005-11-02T08:53:00.000-08:00

DUNSTER

2005-11-02T08:50:00.000-08:00

DUNSTER CASTLE

Display on armor layers.

2005-11-02T08:44:00.000-08:00

CATHEDRAL AT SALISBURY

Brass wall hanging, left side...

2005-11-02T08:41:00.000-08:00

...right side...

2005-11-02T08:37:00.000-08:00

...tomb on the floor. It reads:

GEORGE GREENUP

Having lost his beloved Wife ELIZABETH...the faithful partner of his affections for nearly forty one years...he sunk under the calamity, and, weakened by previous disease followed her to the grave in less than one month.

Conversation #5: The Baker and the Frying Pan

2005-10-09T23:39:00.000-07:00

They were begging for him to come to work for them. That's how talented he was. Ya know how many bakers used to come down to the house and say "Joe, I want you to work for me. I want you to work for me"? But every time he was working where he was working he would f__k up every time. Come in there all going, drinking, drunk and stuff like that, you can't do that.

Tell him about the time he hit your mother, she had the frying pan.

Unnhhhhhh, he hit my mother one time and she hit him with a f___ing frying pan, then he went to work and showed the guys the frying pan and the f___ing bump he had on his f___ing head that my mother did to him.

What happened?

He got tangled up with my mother, see? And she picked up a frying pan and hit him on the f___ing side of the head.

Dad! He hit her! He hit Busha!

Yeah...and she hit him with that f___ing frying pan, up, with the...

And she said, "You'll never hit me again."

Yeah.

She picked up the frying pan and conked him.

He told my mother, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna start with you again." She hit him so f___ing hard with that f___ing frying pan, that, after that he said "I don't want no problem with you." You see, he'd get drunk and then, you know...you know how guys get. They get drunk, they get outta hand. My mother used to take a lot of s__t from him, you know what I mean, she'd say, "Oh, that's okay", you know, you...you...But one day, I don't know what the hell he did to her, he hit her or some damn thing, and she really got pissed, and hit him with the f___ing frying pan. He was...he went to work the next day showing everybody where the hell she hit him with the frying pan. He was a top baker. Everybody in the baking business wanted him. That's how good he was, you understand? But the only thing is, this alcoholic s__t. And our...he'd have a good f___ing job where somebody was paying him good, you know, then, then he'd get smashed up with the f___ing alcohol, coming in every day drunk, and then he f___ed himself up. Then they'd fire him, and then he'd go to...and the next bakers were looking for him to get him. He was so f___ing good, on baking, that, you know, regardless of what he was drinking, or what, they'd try to keep him as much as they can, you know. That, sometimes they'd keep him in their f___ing houses to keep him sober so he could come in and cook...and bake the next day. He was a great baker. Great! I mean great! One of the best!

Signs #5

2005-10-03T20:31:00.000-07:00

Damen Avenue, outside a church...
...on the sidewalk.

Signs #4

2005-10-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

Lincoln Square

Signs #3

2005-10-03T20:13:00.000-07:00

Lincoln corridor

Conversation #4: Mind Wipe

2005-06-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

Yer trying to do the right thing, but yer not.

What does it feel like?

Well, it doesn't feel like...eh...like I can say and say, okay, ya know I gotta go down that street and, uh, say, fifteen minutes from now, I'll say, WHUP!, wait a minute, where am I at now? Then I forget about that street, see?

So, dad, when you, what can you remember like right now? Can you remember just a long time ago or can you remember...

Oh, no, I can remember alotta things from way back.

Right. But what about, do you know where we just were?

Yeah.

Where were we?

We were at this, uh...ah...whadda ya call that with the...eh...we didn't...we didn't put our name, our number or nothing on there, we just, you, like you says, you didn't wanna go...to, uh...uh...the place where you find out where the, you know, what yer...uh...like say you belong to a club. Ya go to the club and ya say, you know, okay, I'm here for this or that thing.

You were at Sandy's birthday party dad.

I know that, but what I was telling you is what I wanted to go, uh, later with the phone, I was calling up, to make an appointment on...uh...on...uh...ah...thing that I was gonna go with the...uh...

It's allright man. You don't remember. It's fine.

No, I...I...I remember, it's just I...I know where I wanna go.

Where ya wanna go dad?

Where do you wanna go?

If I, if I'm at home and I wanna go to the club part, ya know what I mean with the, uh...uh...whadda ya call that? Association?

VFW?

Yeah.

Okay.

So, if I wanna go there, then I go there. And I know where that's at and then come home. But if I wanna go to one of those other clubs, you know, like the...whadda ya call them, uh, other ones?

American Legion.

American Legion or the other one, ya know...then I gotta start thinking, well, where is that first from, where's that at this way, so then I finally, I might find it sometimes but other times I look around, I get lost.

Well, you're not driving anymore dad, so...

Who's not driving? Who's not driving?!

You're not.

Yes I am.

You haven't driven in about 7 months dad.

I have a car, ain't it?

Nope. You don't have to worry about that shit anymore, though.

Who took my car?!

Heather has it now.

You just saw it dad, it was in front.

I know, but who was driving, uh...I thought I had one at home.

Nope.

Well, when I get home, I'm gonna check. Somebody took my car, you're in trouble. Nobody takes my car.

Conversation #3: 6 Years of Wisdom

2005-06-21T01:17:00.000-07:00

Now...where was I? Oh yeah. Then, as soon as they knew it, they were in the middle of the forest. They went deeper and deeper into the forest until they came to a nice little comfy spot where it was wide and the trees, they make a full circle and a space and father said, "Well, this is a good small place to get our campfire started. Now let's get started." To start the campfire, me and dad took a look around. He told me to stay there, but I ran after him without even looking where I was and I was very deep in the woods. I saw something on the ground. It hopped by super fast. Then, it came out of the trees and showed itself as a kangaroo. I put up my gun before it came out of the shadows and then I saw another kangaroo, they...they both had little babies inside their pouches. I ran for my life. And got all the way through the woods, got to my dad's campfire where he was resting, roasting some marshmallows for us. I screamed aloud so scarededly, "KANGAROOS!" My dad was so worried, but he knew I was allergic to kangaroos, but there was only one kangaroo I didn't caught that and that was the name Baby Kangaroo. Baby Kangaroo was made to be my friend. Then his mother came along and took her away. When I started to sneeze my dad said I had to go back home as he went camping. I asked him a question, "Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" And he said he's sure, because being lonely is not always safe.

What was that?

What was what?

Say that again...

What did you say?

Being lonely isn't always safe.

Here, here.

Those are wise words.

Okay. Back to the story...

Signs #2: Porta-Potty Poet

2005-06-20T17:40:00.000-07:00

Indianapolis Motor Speedway parking lot Porta-Potty, to the left...

2005-06-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

...straight ahead...

2005-06-20T17:36:00.000-07:00

...to the right.

Conversation #2: Broke

2005-06-19T00:02:00.000-07:00

This is a theory I’m not very proud of and I’m not really impressed by and I really don’t want to live my life by, but it doesn’t matter, I’m f___ing dating like the most beautiful f___ing girl in the world, who loves me supposedly because I’m an intellectual, despite all the f___ing crap I’ve done, I think the fact that I’ve gained a little weight over the past few months and been a boy, is detrimental. I go out of my f___ing way to to make sure that I expose myself to people who aren’t oppressed by that sort of situation, even though, ofcourse, I’m attracted to skinny girls. And, you know, chicks with big t__s, whatever.

I am too.

I find it very humorous that I actually think that this is probably part of the situation.

What is part of the situation?

I’ve gained a little weight.

Part of the situation?

I’m probably a little bit less physically attractive to her.

No!

Absolutely.

No way.

Absolutely.

No way. What? You haven’t changed at all.

I’ve gained about fifteen pounds! Are you f___ing kidding me?

You’re still a f___ing rail. Look. This. That’s mine.

I got a belly too.

That.

Belly.

That is not anywhere near as big as my f___ing belly is.

Yeah, you got about five years on me.

There’s no way, and on top of that I’m taller and skinnier than you, with a belly, you have nothing to worry about.

I gotta big belly. It’s gotta be. What the f__k?!

It has nothing to do with the belly.

You should be able to find a girl and give her your soul, entirely, if she’s the one, if she f___ing drags that soul out of you, she should love you forever.

Normally, that’s the fantasy of it. That’s not how it usually is. Right?

I’ve never met a girl that’s dragged, this girl has dragged the soul out of me. She’s told me who I am. In my own words. That’s not something somebody’s given to me. She’s f___ing taken it out of my own f___ing head and f___ing regurgitated it in myself. And she’s gonna leave me. What the hell am I supposed to f___ing do? Think. Am I supposed to f___ing find somebody else after someone already told me who I was? I am this person, that I already am, she told me that I was that person and now she’s gonna leave, so where am I left? I’m left in a really f___ed up situation basically. Being entirely alone, with all this regurgitation, turning from f___ing like, flowery, cloudy, beautiful things that you have with a girl to real regurgitation, whitey, milky, bulls__t that a baby craps up on you, laying all around you, by yourself.

Signs #1

2005-06-17T16:51:00.001-07:00

Foster, heading West

2005-06-17T16:51:00.000-07:00

Foster, heading East

2005-06-17T16:50:00.000-07:00

Peterson & Ridge

Conversation #1: Good Time

2005-06-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

As long as there's not a fight, everybody's having a good time.

Right. But the minute a fight starts, then everybody's aggravated and, ya know, irritated, and everything else.

What are you doing later?

I don't know what I'm doing later.

You just going home?

Well, most naturally. Where am I gonna go?

Are we not gonna go out and party some more?

I don't know. It all depends on Florence.

Hey Florence, did you have a good time tonight?

Yes.

Monday, I'm going with him and having a good time. You're not going. Just me and him.

That's fine with me.

You're staying home, yeah.

Did you have a good time tonight?

Yep. You know I always have a good time. If I don't have a good time, then I walk out the door and say, "Whup! F__k this man!" And I don't havta get drunk or drink alot to have a good time here, these people around ya, the surroundings and stuff, you look and you say, "Everybody's having a good time, I'm having a good time."

Yeah.

And then a fight starts or something then everybody's all f___ed up and nobody's having a good time anymore.

No fights tonight.

No. But I mean, that's why, when a guy, when these guys start fights, somebody should really kick the s__t outta them.