Conversation #2: Broke

This is a theory I’m not very proud of and I’m not really impressed by and I really don’t want to live my life by, but it doesn’t matter, I’m f___ing dating like the most beautiful f___ing girl in the world, who loves me supposedly because I’m an intellectual, despite all the f___ing crap I’ve done, I think the fact that I’ve gained a little weight over the past few months and been a boy, is detrimental. I go out of my f___ing way to to make sure that I expose myself to people who aren’t oppressed by that sort of situation, even though, ofcourse, I’m attracted to skinny girls. And, you know, chicks with big t__s, whatever.

I am too.

I find it very humorous that I actually think that this is probably part of the situation.

What is part of the situation?

I’ve gained a little weight.

Part of the situation?

I’m probably a little bit less physically attractive to her.

No!

Absolutely.

No way.

Absolutely.

No way. What? You haven’t changed at all.

I’ve gained about fifteen pounds! Are you f___ing kidding me?

You’re still a f___ing rail. Look. This. That’s mine.

I got a belly too.

That.

Belly.

That is not anywhere near as big as my f___ing belly is.

Yeah, you got about five years on me.

There’s no way, and on top of that I’m taller and skinnier than you, with a belly, you have nothing to worry about.

I gotta big belly. It’s gotta be. What the f__k?!

It has nothing to do with the belly.

You should be able to find a girl and give her your soul, entirely, if she’s the one, if she f___ing drags that soul out of you, she should love you forever.

Normally, that’s the fantasy of it. That’s not how it usually is. Right?

I’ve never met a girl that’s dragged, this girl has dragged the soul out of me. She’s told me who I am. In my own words. That’s not something somebody’s given to me. She’s f___ing taken it out of my own f___ing head and f___ing regurgitated it in myself. And she’s gonna leave me. What the hell am I supposed to f___ing do? Think. Am I supposed to f___ing find somebody else after someone already told me who I was? I am this person, that I already am, she told me that I was that person and now she’s gonna leave, so where am I left? I’m left in a really f___ed up situation basically. Being entirely alone, with all this regurgitation, turning from f___ing like, flowery, cloudy, beautiful things that you have with a girl to real regurgitation, whitey, milky, bulls__t that a baby craps up on you, laying all around you, by yourself.