Sign #7

Southern Illinois

Conversation #7: The Baker and the Kidnapping

Well, when I was a little kid, I think I was 8 or 9 years old, you know, he kidnapped me and I was living with him in the f___ing apartment, you know, not even knowing where the f__k I was even. Cuz he liked me, you know what I mean? So, he took it...

Why did he like you?

Because I'm his son. And I was his favorite.

Why were you his favorite?

Because he liked me. But my mother had, my mother had the authority of all the kids, see? So he took and kidnapped me that one f___ing day and brought me by his house, ya know, and he's hiding me in his f___ing apartment. Ya know? I mean, I'm young, I didn't know what the f___s happening, you know what I mean? I said, "Okay, yeah, okay dad."

Five, you were five years old.

But I didn't know that my mother didn't know that he kidnapped me and this kinda s__t.

Well, they didn't live together, right?

No.

Never?

No. They lived together before, yeah. But this time he was living on 18th place and Paulina. In a first story building, see?

She kick him out or something?

What?

Did she kick him out?

Yeah, because he was always...he was always drunk and giving her all kinds of f___ing problems. So, what he would do is, when he would go to work he would lock me in the house there, I didn't have a key to get out, so all I did was stay in the f___ing apartment, till he came back home from work, cuz I couldn't get out, he locked the door. You understand? I was only, what, 8 years old?

You were 5.

5? 5, 6 or 7 years old or something.

No. You were 5 years old.

So he got me and he, and he locked me up in the house when he'd go to work I'd be there all by myself. You know, like an idiot. Then when he'd come, he'd open the door, come in, fine. Nobody knew where the f__k I was half the time. I mean, he was nice to me and alla that stuff, I mean not that he aggravated or nothing like that.

He was good to me. He would see me walking, he'd run across the street by me, give me a hug and a kiss. I'd always give him a few bucks.

Conversation #6: The Gentleman of Joliet, Part One

>>WARNING: The following transcription contains graphic language. You have been WARNED. Proceed.<<

Any woman that I'm willing to screw, I'm willing to screw more than once. So, if I get to the point, especially the initial point of screwing that woman and I'm all f____d up and I'm not gonna do my greatest of jobs, then I'll parlay it into a later date so that I can get the f___ing return clientele, ya know what I mean? And women talk, they talk amongst friends and you know how f___ing viciously competitive women are, when she's f___ing out the door you bet yer ass her friend'll be knocking if ya do a good job. It ain't no lie. I'm not bulls____in' ya. It's just the way it is. F___in'...hard work pays. You know? It ain't easy beatin' up the uterus, but sometimes, yer back is sore the next morning, but ya know, a few months down the road, you'll be smilin' that you did it, ya know? When it rains, it pours, ya know? When ya always got a woman on yer arm, they're always knocking at yer door. When you ain't got s__t, you ain't got s__t. That's why, I invited my friend, who used to be a stripper, who's fine as hell, to go to this place, one, cuz she's bisexual and she'd enjoy it, two, becuz any time I've ever hung out with her, going to bars, anywhere, you name it.

You met women.

F__k yeah. Those women aren't thinking, "Wow, this guy's hot. This guy's dressed good." Cuz ya know what? I ain't hot and I don't dress good. And I could give a f__k less about it becuz if I did, if I got good at it, they'd think "Oh, he's gay." You know? So there ain't no pleasin' these b______s. So whatcha do, if you bring...I don't care whatcha gotta do, f___ing get a hooker that's fine as hell, pay her five hundred bucks,and get every goddamn woman's number in the bar, it'll be the easiest thing you ever f___ing did, I swear to god. And you'll have p___y lined up for about six months. You know? You don't even have to lay that f___ing hooker, you just have her by yer side. Ya know why? Cuz women wanna know, "Why is this homely looking guy with this fine ass b___h?" They're not worried about, well...he...well, they think, maybe he's got money, or this and that, but he looks like s__t, he dresses like s__t, but ya know what, he's got a fine b___h on his side, so, either he's got money or a huge c__k, and I'm gonna find out what it is, cuz, ya know, that's what motivates men and women. Sex and money...
...It's like ya gotta have money to make money. The same thing man. You gotta have b_____s to get b_____s. Ya gotta. Even if they're in the back pocket, and there's nothing going on, if you make like somethin' is happenin', BOOM!, it's how you go, and be presentable or business-like or you market yourself, you act like something's going on. That's how Christopher Columbus got funding to "discover" America. It was all here the whole time. Everybody knew about it, there were civilizations here, but he got the funding to go discover it becuz he said, "Ya know what? F__k you! If you don't give me the money, I'm gonna go do it anyways." So somebody, sooner or later, somebody said, "Well, we better give him the money, becuz we'll reap all the benefits, cuz he's gonna do it anyways, right? We might as well help him out. He's determined. All you need is determination.

Signs #6: UK Edition

CITY OF WELLS

Yummy.

My name is Don. I'm a hair stylist.

HILLSIDE FARMS

THE TOR

On the way up.

STEAM TRAIN TO DUNSTER

DUNSTER

Bad dog!

DUNSTER

DUNSTER CASTLE

Display on armor layers.

CATHEDRAL AT SALISBURY

Brass wall hanging, left side...

...right side...

...tomb on the floor. It reads:

GEORGE GREENUP

Having lost his beloved Wife ELIZABETH...the faithful partner of his affections for nearly forty one years...he sunk under the calamity, and, weakened by previous disease followed her to the grave in less than one month.